Culinary Notes

As is often the case with a growing boy, I am frequently hungry. This means I've eaten plenty of Australian cuisine, and I thought I'd share a bit about it.

The first thing to note is that there really is no such thing as "Australian" food. They have a couple dishes that I understand are local, but for the most part, food here is a smorgasbord from around the world. There are an excess of Thai, Chinese, and Japanese places, along with a smattering of Italian joints, some fine cuisine, and even occasional Mexican places. Some of it is done well, especially the Asian and Italian food, as those places are often run by immigrants from those areas.

In truth, I've had little at restaurants. They're expensive, and, true to my starving student form, I'm not buying it. So, it's fair to say that what I've just written is based mainly on impressions from the outside and from smelling the places. I've tried pizza, but the Aussies have managed to foul that up. A couple New Yorkers need to come down here and set these people straight on what a pizza is. Consequently, like much of the nicer food, I won't be eating much pizza.

The main exception to this rule is kebabs. Here, kebab joints are similar, both in frequency and style, to burrito places like Chipotle back home. They tend to have more of a hole-in-the-wall feel than they do quick casual, but you still get to watch the folks make your kebab and can find a place almost anywhere. The best kebab place in town is Nick's Place. It's about 3 doors down from the Newport bar and open after the bar closes, which is already a recipe for success. The hours and location, however, pale in comparison to the fare. Their kebabs drip with grease and generous servings of whatever sauces you fancy.

As I am apt to do with food back home, my kebab order is always the same, regardless of where I'm ordering it. (This habit lead me to consume far too many Bacon Turkey Bravos back home. Faaaar too many.) Every time I come to the counter, whether at Absolutely Kebabulous on campus, Nick's in Freo, or the Kardy Fish 'n Chips joint, I order a beef kebab with lettuce, tomatoes, sweet chili, and sour cream. Yum.

Other than kebabs and Little Creatures (which I've previously mentioned), I rarely eat out. This has meant cooking. Cooking has meant discovering just how little I know how to cook. As it turns out, I can prepare pasta, brown meat, heat sauce, scramble eggs, slice bread, and that's about it. Various combinations of these have kept me from getting bored, but the time at which I'll have to figure out how to turn on our oven is rapidly approaching.

To give you an idea of what I'm preparing, I thought I would share a couple recipes. The first is one of the many items I've created to keep my limited cooking ability interesting enough to eat. The second is a story in itself, so I'll come back to that after I share what my roommate dubbed "Bootleg Sloppy Joe's."

Bootleg Sloppy Joe's
Ingredients:
2 slices bread
1 pan ground beef
1 slice Kraft fake cheese
1 serving Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette

Brown mean in frying pan. Put bread into toaster. Retrieve toast from toaster. Put cheese on one slice of toast. Put meat on cheese. Pour salad dressing over meat. Top with other slice of toast. Eat and pretend to enjoy.

While I can't pretend to love that sandwich, I can admit to eating a few. The next recipe was invented by me; my Aussie friend Jace, who works building ships; and Neil, one of the other CIEE students. Jace, on a whim, had come over to our house with 5.5 kilos (12.1 lbs) of gummy bears. After eating our fill, we had barely made a discernible dent in the gummy bears. So, wondering what we could make with all those gummy bears, we brainstormed:

"A gummy bear army?"
"A gummy bear gondola?"
"Gummy bear gumbo?"

At that suggestion, all of our eyes lit up, we began scouring through the cupboards for ingredients, and the most legendary desert down under was born. Despite what you might think from reading the recipe, it wasn't that bad. Granted, more than one serving immediately results in diabetes, but one must learn the virtues of moderation somehow.

Gummy Bear Gumbo
Ingredients:
1 cup cheap white wine
1/8 cup raspberry cordial mix
1 red apple
1 teaspoon Apricot Jam
1 lemon
1 pot full of gummy bears

Mix white wine, cordial mix, and jam in empty pot. Heat lightly until jam/wine mixture is no longer chunky. Chop apple into little bits. Slice lemon into wheels. Remove mixture from heat. Add apples. Squeeze in two wheels of lemon. Throw away rest of lemon due to bad planning. Add gummy bears. Serve by the spoonful.

After we all tried a little, Jace made the pointed observation that "your lawn will be painted rainbow by morning." He was proved wrong, but none of us is sure why, as some sort of intestinal distress was most certainly warranted.