"Customers" Beware

I have been struggling with the State Department for the last week, trying to get them to expedite my passport. I have been told to hurry up and wait.

I have been told that an e-mail will be sent. I have been told that, at best, some people get lucky. I have been told that, despite having applied more than 15 weeks ago and still needing my passport to apply for a visa, that it is my choice to apply for an appointment at the local passport processing center and pay all my fees again so that I will have a paltry 13 days to apply for my visa.

What's worse, I've been told all of this by State Department "Customer Service Representatives." I want to make something very clear right now:

I am not a "customer" of the State Department. Far from it, I am a tax-paying citizen of the United States of America.

Customers have choices about where their money goes. That's why customers get good service from businesses. There is only one agency from which to get a United States passport. It feels no obligation to be quick or even competent becuase it will not lose a single tax dollar if it fails to accomplish its stated goal.

Customers know that they will be assisted because the wellfare of a business relies upon earning money through good service. The State Department will likely be requesting increased funding as a result of its failure, and tax-payers will likely agree to provide it.

Customers may request refunds if they receive products or services that are not up to par. I'm going to pay for this twice, and that's before taxes are increased to try (and fail) to fix this problem.

I am not a customer - I am a citizen held hostage by tax dollars and incompetence.

Reality Check

As the dates listed on my posts will likely betray, writing here has been a low priority lately. In the meanwhile, this post's brevity will likely betray how little has occurred that has been worth posting about in regards to my trip abroad.

I am still waiting for my passport to arrive. I've waited the 10 weeks suggested by the State Department, checked their website, and even called. Each time, the message seems clear: Wait Loooooooonger. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised - it is the government. Surprise notwithstanding, I am still frustrated that I need to have my passport to complete my CIEE application, my CU application, and, most importantly, the application for my student visa. So, I guess my point here is to say, "Thanks, State Department. You beautifully illustrate the strong correlation between inefficiency and government."

On the opposite side of the coin, of course, is business. I've spent a lot of time at work since school got out. Every minute has translated into some accoutrement or another. For the first couple weeks, each time the clock ticked, I was working on paying for another meal in Australia. After that, it was drinks and whatnot. With luck, I'm working on a wetsuit and surfboard now.

That aside, my departure is approaching very quickly and in a manner that I can only describe as unreal. In two months (eight weeks!) I will be in Perth. But who's counting? I am yet to do any packing. I certainly haven't begun moving out of my house in Boulder. All I know is that my departure is coming up much, much sooner than I can really fathom. Holy cow...

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet

It's been a little while since I've posted. That's a result of equal parts sloth and laziness. I would offer my apologies, but I don't roll that way.

Anyway, a lot's happened in the time that I've managed not to post:
-First, I finally got my acceptance letter. That was very exciting. I've committed to the program, so I'm at the point where all I have left to do is paperwork and packing (likely in that order).
-Second, Spring Break!
-Third, baseball season started. This means that for the next six weeks, the Rockies won't be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. For that reason, these are always the best six weeks of the year.

After all that excitement, though, reality had to come crashing back down. Now, I'm back into the grind, trying to class it up. Assignments, lectures, work, blah, blah, blah. I don' t care, so you most certainly don't.

But none of that matters any more. I only have to survive until mid-May. Then, it's nothing but bread and bagels until I find my way to wallabys and wombats (do they have those in Australia?) in July. Then, I'll have to apply all the helpful lessons I learned at my orientation: Helpful little tidbits like "Don't go to jail when you're abroad."

They also spent a lot of time talking about difficulties with languages when studying abroad. I'm not too worried about that - I've been watching Foster's commercials for weeks now to brush up on my Australian. I've got key terms, like "locksmith," down.

I'm still uneasy with some of the most subtle points of the language. For instance, I'm a little unclear as to whether or not my knife is actually a knife.

I guess I'll have to find out when I get there. Australian customs agents probably have some kind of chart that answers those kinds of questions.

I would pull my hair out if I hadn't just cut it off

I want to hear from the study abroad office. I want to know that I'm accepted to the program. I want to know that I'll go to Australia for sure. I want that e-mail badly. So badly, in fact, that I've checked my email about once every 10 minutes since I turned in all my paperwork on March 1. (That's in the neighborhood of 1,700 times, for those wondering. 1,701 by the time I finish this post.)

Every time I check, I only find the same disappointing assortment of unimportant e-mails: University announcements, bank statements, various offers for herbal supplements and low-rate mortgages. Bo-ring...

Once I finally find the acceptance e-mail (hidden in the midst of many irresistible offers), I will continue the intricate two-step I began with this program. Until that point, though, I'm at a loss for what to do. My partner has stopped leading, leaving me in an uncomfortable limbo.

With luck, I'll hear soon, and I'll be able to start my victory dance.

I live in a procrasti-nation

It's ten 'til midnight. The deadline for all the paperwork was midnight. I finished the paperwork minutes ago. On some level, I'm tempted to brag. On another, I want to cry. For the most part, I just want to heave a huge sigh of relief and go to sleep.

Studying abroad is one of the most exciting prospects in my life, and I still managed to neglect its paperwork to the last minute. I guess no matter how excited I am by something, I will not cease to be me. That's comforting, but inconvenient at times.

I didn't neglect all of the paperwork. In fact, I had the majority of the papers done before today. I turned in transcripts, passport photos, and checklists. I had not, however, written the essays.

That's a minor oversight, really... right?

OK, probably not, but that doesn't matter anymore. I've submitted all the paperwork, essays included. I should know their decision soon. Then, I'll start on paperwork for my passport and visa.

I hope the State Department doesn't want any essays.

Act I, Scene I

A few days ago, it struck me that the real world is sneaking up on me very quickly, and that I am not ready for it in the least. So, I decided to do the natural thing: flee the country.

I'm talking about a semester abroad, of course.

The next day, I went to the study abroad office, filled out a questionnaire, and spoke with a counselor there. We went over my academic goals (none) and language skills (none to speak of), and decided that I had to be brutally honest if I hoped to find myself in an appropriate program.

I told the counselor that my goal was to learn to surf.
Immediately, she said "Australia."

It wasn't as easy as that, though. As it turns out, CU offers 13 different programs in Australia. I had to choose one, and should likely choose it based on course offerings since they would be, ostensibly, why I was there. That meant looking at pros and cons, courses and classes, maybe even some real facts somewhere along the line. What a bummer.

I didn't despair. I only procrastinated a little. And that doesn't really count because the office was closed for the weekend anyway. On Monday, it would reopen, and I would be back, hopefully with a program in mind.
I found two that really appealed to me: Perth and Adelaide.

Perth is on Australia's southwestern shore. It's apparently off the beaten path for most international students, so I can say "I've been to Perth. I'll bet you don't know where the hell that is." The program offered some interesting philosophy classes, but they didn't look as good as the offerings at Adelaide.

Adelaide is on Australia's southern shore. It, too, is somewhat off the beaten path for international students. It appeared to be less Outbacky (for lack of an actual adjective) than Perth, but it offered Epistemology and Logic II.

So, what was a boy to do? I found myself torn between Epistemology and the Outback. I know that makes it sound facetious, but I was having a hard time deciding.

I had to decide quickly - the deadline to apply is March 1, and there's a lot involved in applying. I was told that once I made my decision I should email the office.

I sent that e-mail today. I took Step 1.
Now, I get megabytes of digital paperwork from the school, reams of real paperwork from our government, and (I imagine) some sort of message pounded out on drums from the Australian government because:

I'm going to Perth next semester.